Face the Fear, Embrace the Fail: Raising Brave Young Leaders

Let’s talk about fear. Not the kind that comes from haunted houses or scary movies—but the kind that shows up when you're about to try something new. The fear that whispers, What if I mess up? What if I fail? What if everyone sees me fall?

As youth educators, parents, and mentors, we see this fear show up in our kids and teens all the time—in the eyes of a dancer backstage before a solo, in the hesitation of a student presenting in front of class, in taking an exam or even in the silence that fills a room when we ask for volunteers to speak.

But here’s the truth: fear is not the enemy. Fear is a signal. And failure? That’s not the end of the road—it’s part of the journey.

Fear Is a Sign They’re About to Grow

We tell young people to be brave—but bravery isn’t the absence of fear. Bravery is choosing to show up and try in spite of fear. And the best part? Bravery is contagious.

When one student speaks up, another gathers the courage to follow. When one dancer gets back up after a stumble, others learn that mistakes don’t define them. And when we—parents, teachers, coaches—admit that we still face fears too, we give them permission to do the same.

Growth doesn’t come in comfort zones. It comes when they stretch, fall, and do it again!

Reframing Failure: The Most Underrated Teacher

Somewhere along the line, many young people begin to associate failure with shame. But the most effective leaders, artists, athletes, and entrepreneurs don’t just accept failure—they expect it.

We can help kids and teens build what I call a “failure filter”—a mindset that sees setbacks not as stop signs, but as course corrections.

If a student freezes during a speech, forgets choreography on stage, or gets a poor grade, we don’t rush in with shame or solutions. It is a challenge not to want to "fix" the issue but this is the worst thing we can do. The best way we can help is to sit with them, reflect, and ask:

• What did you learn?

• What would you try differently next time?

• What went well even in the middle of the mess?

Failure becomes valuable when it becomes reflective. It is the evaluation of the experience that is the most effective in helping not only our youth but our team and family members.

Public Speaking: The Fear We All Share

One of the most common fears in the world—yes, even more than spiders—is public speaking. Whether you're a youth leader or a student, standing up and speaking out can feel like standing under a spotlight with a thousand eyes watching.

But here’s the good news: no one is born a confident speaker. It’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be practiced.

Here are a few strategies we use with our Star Leadership program to help ease public speaking fears:

1. Start Small- Don’t start with a microphone and a crowd. Begin with speaking in a small group, sharing a win at the dinner table, or introducing themselves at school. Tiny reps build confidence.

2. Practice with Purpose- Encourage rehearsal—not just of the words, but of the posture and presence. Help kids video themselves, time their speeches, and coach themselves like athletes in training. You can even video yourself when practicing your own public speaking.

3. Use the Pause- Teach that silence is powerful. Pausing allows the audience to process and gives the speaker a chance to breathe and reset. A pause can show more confidence than a run-on sentence.

4. Tell Stories- People connect with people. Encourage students to speak from real moments—a funny mishap, a struggle they overcame, or a lesson learned. Stories connect, teach, and inspire.

5. Shift the Focus- Most fear of speaking comes from worrying about how we’ll be judged. Help kids (and adults!) shift their mindset to: How can I help someone with what I say? Service over self builds purpose-driven speakers.

We Need to Set the Tone

Raising confident, resilient kids doesn’t happen overnight. It’s built in the everyday moments—when we celebrate effort, when we normalize fear, and when we talk about our own failures without shame.

Parents, model what trying again looks like. Talk openly about something you struggled with and how you bounced back.

Educators, build classroom cultures where effort is rewarded, not just perfection. Encourage the “messy middle” and help students process mistakes.

Together, we are shaping more than skills—we’re shaping identity. And when kids grow up knowing that fear is normal and failure is survivable, they become unstoppable.

Because the truth is, courage doesn’t come from always getting it right. It comes from facing fear, falling forward, and standing tall again—with a little more grit and a little more grace every time.