The Quiet Confidence Gap in Teens

Leading the Next Generation Toward Stronger Self-Efficacy

If you lead young people today, you’ve likely felt it.

You ask a question and get silence.You offer encouragement and receive a shrug. You see talent, potential, and capability, but the confidence doesn’t match.

Generation Z isn’t unmotivated. They aren’t lazy. And they aren’t disengaged in the way previous generations were when they “checked out.”

They are quietly unsure.

Many Gen Z youth struggle with self-efficacy, the belief that “I can do hard things, and my effort matters.” This challenge often shows up as minimal verbal communication, hesitation to take risks, and a guarded emotional posture that can feel distant or even indifferent to adult leaders.

But here’s the truth: what looks like apathy is often self-protection.

Why This Generation Feels Different

Research consistently shows that Gen Z is growing up in a world of heightened anxiety, constant comparison, and reduced face-to-face interaction. According to psychologist Jean Twenge, Gen Z reports higher levels of stress and lower levels of confidence than previous generations at the same age. This is not a character flaw, it is a developmental response to their environment.

Consider what they’ve grown up with:

• A digital world where mistakes are permanent and public.

• A culture of comparison driven by "highlight reel" perfection.

• Fewer unstructured opportunities to “figure it out” independently.

• Adults who often step in quickly to fix or protect.

  
  

As a result, many young people have developed what leaders experience as a “veneer”, a composed, no emotional-response image on the outside that masks uncertainty underneath. They may feel deeply, but express cautiously. They may care greatly, but speak little.

I see this shift firsthand every single week in my Star Leadership classes.

When I work with my 9–12-year-old leaders, confidence shows up loudly. Hands shoot up. Opinions are shared freely. There’s a healthy level of ego at play, “I know this,” “Pick me,” “I’ve got something to say.” They are still willing to risk being seen. They want affirmation, but they’re not yet afraid of being wrong.

Then something changes.

As my students move into the 13-and-over age group, the energy in the room shifts. The same leadership questions that once sparked conversation now sit in silence. Asking for volunteers feels like pulling teeth. Sharing reflections becomes "crickets". Risk-taking drops. And for a long time, I’ll be honest, I took that as disengagement and that I was losing my bond with this younger generation.

But it isn’t.

What I’ve come to understand through both research and lived experience is that this is a developmental shift, not a motivational failure. As students enter adolescence, self-awareness increases, comparison intensifies, and the cost of being wrong suddenly feels much higher. Their confidence doesn’t disappear, it turns inward. They don’t stop caring; they become more cautious about showing they care.

Once I reframed this, my leadership approach had to change.

Love and Kindness as Leadership Tools

When we talk about Love and Kindness in leadership, we’re not talking about lowering standards or offering empty praise. We’re talking about creating the conditions where self-efficacy can grow.

Self-efficacy is built through earned success, not reassurance alone.

And this generation needs leaders who understand that confidence often grows quietly before it shows up loudly.

How Adult Leaders Can Lead Differently

Here are practical strategies to help build self-efficacy in Gen Z youth, even when they seem non-verbal, disengaged, or distant.

1. Shift from “Do You Understand?” to “Show Me.” Many Gen Z youth struggle to articulate confidence verbally. Instead of asking questions that require self-reporting, invite demonstration.

• “Show me how you’d start.”

• “What’s the first small step?”

• “Walk me through your thinking.”

This reduces performance pressure and allows competence to lead confidence.

2. Normalize Effort Before Outcome. This generation often connects mistakes with identity. Leaders must consistently reinforce that effort is information, not a verdict.

• “That attempt mattered.”

• “You stayed with it, that’s leadership.”

• “What did you learn from that try?”

Kindness here is not softness, it's clarity.

3. Create Low-Risk Leadership Moments. Self-efficacy grows when young people experience success without public spotlight.

• Leading a warm-up with one peer

• Teaching a skill to a younger student

• Owning one clear responsibility

  
  

Small wins build internal confidence before external recognition.

4. Don’t Mistake Silence for Disinterest. Many Gen Z youth process internally. Silence often means thinking, not disengagement.

• Pause longer than feels comfortable

• Say, “Take your time, I’m listening.”

• Follow up one-on-one where safety is higher

5. Model Calm Confidence.This generation responds more to regulated adults than high-energy motivation. They are watching how you handle stress, correction, and uncertainty.

Your calm says, “This is manageable.”Your consistency says, “You are safe to try.”

Leading with Love That Builds Strength

Love and Kindness are not add-ons for today’s leaders, they are essential tools for developing resilient, capable young people.

When adult leaders slow down, listen differently, and design opportunities for earned confidence, something powerful happens.The quiet child begins to believe.The hesitant leader begins to step forward.The outside veneer image softens and self-efficacy takes root.

And that belief lasts far longer than motivation ever could!